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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23538817">Hetalia OneShots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearyroseate/pseuds/tearyroseate'>tearyroseate</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hetalia: Axis Powers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Enemies, Fluff, Hook-Up, Implied Relationships, M/M, Marriage, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Romance, america is going through it, how many one shots will i write where america cries?, who knows - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:07:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23538817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearyroseate/pseuds/tearyroseate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Hetalia one-shots</p>
<p>These were originally posted on Wattpad and I'm starting to transfer some of my works over here!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>America &amp; Canada (Hetalia), America/Russia (Hetalia), America/South Italy (Hetalia)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this originally in 2016 so the quality... below average. </p>
<p>The second part will follow this up, I also wrote it years later so there is a clear difference in the writing lmao</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every year Alfred put together a extravagant Christmas celebration. Though, it's usually reserved between him and his partner, whom he's been dating for five years now.</p>
<p>Five years of being with him.</p>
<p>Five beyond amazing years with someone he loves the most.</p>
<p>Yes, he'd always been told that true love wasn't going to he found at his age, he was fairly young and fresh out of college.</p>
<p>However he believed his boyfriend, Lovino was the one. He loved the Italian with all his heart.</p>
<p>From the moment and met those marveling Green eyes with golden flecks in them. Alfred breath was always taken away when he laid his eyes on Lovino.</p>
<p>Though they were just dating, Alfred and Lovino lived together. They've been dating since their first year in college, they felt it was alright to move in together.</p>
<p>Every Christmas Alfred had spent with Lovino was amazing.</p>
<p>He loved sharing his last four years of Christmas with Lovino, now it was their fifth.</p>
<p>Normally it was an amazing Christmas every year (minus the part where Alfred was always called into work everywhere, no matter where he worked on Christmas Day) but this year it was going to be special.</p>
<p>The most special.</p>
<p>By special it doesn't mean there's going to be more cookies or presents under the tree.</p>
<p>This Christmas was going to be amazing and he knew it.</p>
<p>Alfred right now was driving down the busy road of the town of people flocking to by gifts for Christmas now a week away.</p>
<p>The blond had bought something special, to him.</p>
<p>It was going to be for Lovino and he had the idea planned out. The item he had purchased to give was a dazzling engagement ring.</p>
<p>Yes, he was going to propose.</p>
<p>As said he had it planned out, it was going to be the very last gift for Lovino.</p>
<p>When the Italian opens it Alfred will do what he does and propose.</p>
<p>He felt like Lovino was the one. He wouldn't want to be with anyone else.</p>
<p>He's given everything to Lovino, his heart, his love (his virginity). He loved Lovino.</p>
<p>This Christmas was going to be special regardless what went wrong he was proposing to Lovino Vargas.</p>
<p>Alfred came home to their small house. The neighborhood they resides in was filled with several close houses neighboring each other's.</p>
<p>His house was a baby blue with a white trim to it. This time of year it was adorned by colorful Christmas lights while their yard was filled with various Christmas decorations (one of them being a giant Santa inflatable but ssh).</p>
<p>He parked their blue van into the driveway. He carefully placed the box containing the ring into his jacket pocket so Lovino couldn't see it.</p>
<p>The surprise must stay a surprise.</p>
<p>Alfred closed the van door, locking the car then going to the front door of his home.</p>
<p>Alfred opened the door, and stepped inside. His nose caught a whiff of something delicious smelling. He let his nose guide him to the kitchen where he found the ever loved Lovino Vargas cooking his favorite chocolate cookies.<br/>
He snuck behind the Italian and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, then resting his head laying it in the crook of his neck "Hi Lovi~"</p>
<p>The Auburn haired Italian turned his head slightly giving Alfred a small smile as he mixed the cookie batter, a small kiss was placed on the Americans fore head "Ciao."</p>
<p>"What is that amazing smell?" Alfred said sniffing the air again.</p>
<p>"Probably these cookies I'm making." Lovino started putting the cookie batter in small scoops onto the tray. "How was work?"</p>
<p>Alfred gave a small yawn before responding "Boring. Same as everyday."</p>
<p>"Mm." Lovino gave a small nod in response. "Are you able to stay home for Christmas?"</p>
<p>Alfred pulled away from Lovino, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck "kinda..."</p>
<p>The Italian stopped his activity and put the spoon down gently on the counter. All his movements were slow, as he took a deep breath he turned around. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>Alfred sighed, trying to avoid making eye contact with Lovino "I have to work Christmas Eve-- but! I have Christmas Day off, and I should be back on Christmas Eve in time to do all our Christmas Eve stuff."</p>
<p>Lovino rolled his eyes "that's what you said last year and--"</p>
<p>"The year before that and the year before that, yes I know! I have an unclean promise record. But this time I promise I'll be there." Alfred smiled and kissed Lovino quickly in the lips "Cross my heart."</p>
<p>Lovino's scowl was replaced with a small smile "whatever you dork." He turned back around and returned to his cookie making.</p>
<p>Alfred sighed once again in relief. "Alright I'm going to change now." The American went to the bedroom he shared with Lovino. He took the ring out of his jacket pocket and put it in his underwear. He knew Lovino wouldn't go through his underwear without reason and Lovino didn't snoop around. This was a good hiding place. Alfred promised to himself that he would make sure this Christmas would be special, this Christmas would be different. He knew it would.</p>
<p>.oOo.</p>
<p>The rest of the week went with Alfred goes to work, coming home at seven, spending time with Lovino. With the exception of wrapping gifts for Lovino. As he placed them under the tree he put the engagement ring box in the far back so it was The last gift he opened. He had this planned out, and he was excited.</p>
<p>It was Christmas Eve, going onto ten PM. Alfred was still stuck at the police station, his boss asked him to stay and take the late shift which ended at eleven. Knowing Alfred, he had a hard time saying no sometimes.</p>
<p>The blond knew how upset Lovino was going to be, pissed more so.</p>
<p>Alfred was more upset with himself them anyone he broke the promise he made with Lovino.</p>
<p>Alfred waited, and waited with each tick of the clock that echoed through the halls as the seconds passed.</p>
<p>Finically it was eleven, and he rushed out sighing out.</p>
<p>The roads were pretty much empty as he made his way home.</p>
<p>By the time he reached home it was Elven twenty four. He quietly made his was inside, hanging his jacket. He stepped like a quiet mouse into the Living room, to find Lovino watching TV, the Christmas movie he adored.</p>
<p>Lovino must have felt his presence and snapped his head to look at Alfred.</p>
<p>In all the years the American has known Lovino he's never seen such a face filled with as much disappointment that the Italians expressed. "Fucking finally you bastard. I've been waiting all night, tch, idiot."</p>
<p>Alfred bit his lip, he hesitantly came up to Lovino and sat next to him "I'm sorry..."</p>
<p>Lovino rolled his eyes "sorry, sorry. That's all you can say? You promised me you'd be home on time! This is the fifth year you've made this promise, and where is it just as usual, broken! Can't believe I got my hopes up for that."</p>
<p>Alfred locked his eyes with Lovino, though it pained him to do so "I'm sorry, my boss asked me to stay, and I couldn't say no... I'm sorry. But I'll be home tomorrow! And this time all day!"</p>
<p>Lovino scoffed "fine. Whatever. As long as you're here I'll be okay."</p>
<p>Alfred smiled and hugged Lovino.</p>
<p>Later the two, after the Christmas movie finished went to bed and quickly fell asleep with sugar plum fairies dancing in their head.</p>
<p>The two woke up the next morning ready for christmas. They quickly went to the Living room, sitting down on the couch next to the tree filled with kisses and snuggles.</p>
<p>Alfred and Lovino began distributing their gifts to each other.</p>
<p>After, say a half hour, the living room was filled with wrapping paper from the gifts they'd given each other.</p>
<p>Alfred glanced and noticed the very last gift. The ring box, wrapped in a shining silver paper.</p>
<p>Just as Lovino reached to pick up the box, the house phone rang.</p>
<p>Lovino ceased his motion sitting back up as he watched Alfred get up to get the phone.</p>
<p>The American's stomach dropped when he looked at the caller ID. He answered the phone "hello... yes this is Alfred..."</p>
<p>Alfred turned so he could try and get rid of the gaze of Lovino yet he could still feel it drill into his back</p>
<p>"Sir I'm aware... but sir you--... but-- ... yes sir..." Alfred hung up the phone and sighed. He turned to face Lovino.</p>
<p>"Lovino I--"</p>
<p>"Let me guess bastard, they called you in to work today. And you being the idiot you are couldn't say no."</p>
<p>Alfred averted his vision away, ashamed of himself now unable to look at Lovino.</p>
<p>"I can't believe you! I can't!" The Italian exclaimed. "Every single fucking year! You haven't spent one fucking Christmas with me fully! Apparently work is more important then I am!" A tear slipped down Lovino's cheek. He was angry, frustrated but even more upset. He couldn't believe Alfred would leave him alone for Christmas, again. He's reached his edge now.</p>
<p>Alfred suddenly felt even more terrible then before, especially after he watched that tear fall "But Lovin--"</p>
<p>"But nothing!" The Italian stomped to the to the front door, grabbing his coat off the hook and He quickly shoved on his boots. "I'm sick of this bull shit Alfred, you've canceled most of our dates, you've left on countless holidays do you could work." He grabbed the car keys quickly off the tray on a table near the door.</p>
<p>"Where are you going?" Alfred asked suddenly panicked.</p>
<p>"None of your business." He turned on his heal and opened the door. The cold air touched his face. He let out a sigh his breath fogging. He turned his head slightly to face Alfred "and don't count on me coming back."</p>
<p>Before Alfred could say anything the door slammed in his face. Silent tears fell down his face when every limb in his body felt numb. Every part, except his chest which suddenly felt empty and ached.</p>
<p>He felt terrible and awful, responsible for what had happened. He knew it was, but he didn't want Lovino to leave.</p>
<p>Usually Alfred after a call to work would leave, but suddenly his urgency to leave vanished.</p>
<p>He pretty much shuffled back to the living room. The American sat down on the couch slumping into the cushions.</p>
<p>He spent a few minutes staring into dead space, when he finally turned to the tree in their room and eyed the last gift.</p>
<p>He took the package gently between his fingers.</p>
<p>Carefully, he picked at the silver wrapping paper opening it with care. Once the paper was Gone, he opened the velvet box to reveal the dazzling engagement he had picked out for Lovino.</p>
<p>Alfred drew a fist around the ring and curled in on himself. The ring enclosed hand was close to his aching heart and chest. A sob escaped from him, and choked out words in a quiet whisper.</p>
<p>"Merry Christmas..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. And have a good year to come</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alfred and Lovino see each other again</p>
<p>(continuation of Merry Christmas)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Second part !! I wrote this last summer, and there will probably be a few errors because I struggle with editing since my eyes tend to skip over them even when I read them out loud so i apologize in advance for that!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three years have passed.</p>
<p>Three years since Lovino left Alfred on Christmas.</p>
<p>It was well way into spring, and about to change into summer in a few weeks.</p>
<p>Lovino had moved away, not out of town as far as Alfred knew, but far enough he had not seen the Italian since that tragic day.</p>
<p>Moving on was not the easiest for Alfred, he struggled getting on without he beloved boyfriend by his side.</p>
<p>He ended up quitting his job at the police force, he was too depressed to continue working and fell into a slump.</p>
<p>It lasted for 6 months.</p>
<p>Alfred moved into his identical twin's townhouse for the time being, as he could not stand to be in that stupid, stupid home he and Lovino had shared.</p>
<p>Not just that he couldn't pay for it, but being inside just made his heart rip apart even further.</p>
<p>Most of the furniture that sat inside was sold away as well, too many memories left with them. Only the things with sentimental value went with Alfred into his brother's house.</p>
<p>In that time Alfred grew a friendly amount of scruff and struggled with his weight. The most he could do was get out of bed to maybe grab something simple to eat unless Matthew has made dinner.</p>
<p>After 6 months his twin would not allow him to continue like this. He contacted their fathers; who currently were abroad in Europe on some kind of study trip, and asked for their support in sending Alfred back to school. Which they were, somewhere along the lines of "It's about time your bloody idiot of a brother finally did!"</p>
<p>So, Alfred started community college.</p>
<p>It wasn't easy at first, starting as a freshman proved to be difficult socially when you're 23 surrounded by 18 year olds. But he kept on, and continued to work his damn hardest and majored in history. Alfred always enjoyed history, it was his favorite subject in school and his father was always delighted to share what he himself knew.</p>
<p>He studied hard and pursued a career in Educating History.</p>
<p>After one and a half years of studying, he joined a program that allowed him to continue learning and earn a degree, but also gain teaching experience.</p>
<p>Alfred got a job at the Local high school teaching American history. He was incredibly enthusiastic and the students loved him, he was finally happy again.</p>
<p>A year later, he decided after he graduated he would aim to gain certification for teaching AP courses. Teaching became Alfred's new passion in life.</p>
<p>Not that he still struggled with his broken heart. Lovino had been a unique love in Alfred's life, even before him he'd had several boyfriends and girlfriends before the age of 17. Then, in his senior year of high school, two Italian brothers moved to town. One was a sophomore and one was a senior, Lovino. The older brother was in a majority of Alfred's classes. Lovino had made the blonde feel different then most did. The butterflies in his stomach flapped their wings, even from the first moment he laid eyes on the brunette Italian. He took the initiative to speak to him, then they sat at lunch together. After a few months it was actually Lovino who asked out Alfred on a date. Turns out, he felt the same exact way about the other.</p>
<p>The history of the two went on, they went to prom, had many dates, and shared countless first times.</p>
<p>Five years of this blissful romance that never seemed to get old.</p>
<p>Until leading up to that Christmas. That Stupid Christmas. Alfred really loved Lovino, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, yet it didn't work out. Alfred's commitment to his job left him with nothing but a broken heart.</p>
<p>At least he was doing better career wise. He actually enjoyed working now, and his hours had more flexibility. Summers, holidays, and weekends off seemed like a fantastic deal.</p>
<p>He still lives with Matthew, both of them agree that even though Alfred is stable neither want to risk the possibility of falling into a depression again. They enjoyed each other's company, even though they still fought on occasion like brothers do, they had each other's backs. Like when Alfred was having an off day, or when Matthew struggled with his anxieties, they were there for each other.</p>
<p>Now Alfred was about to turn 26 in a couple months, he really tried to date other people, but no one clicked like he and Lovino did. They were all nice enough sure, but it didn't work.</p>
<p>It was sometime in the beginning of May, a Saturday, in the morning. The two brothers just had some of Matthew's famous pancakes for breakfast, now the two were lazily sitting in the living room watching television. They settled on some goofy cartoons on a channel they used to watch as kids.</p>
<p>When 11 rolled around, Matthew got up and got ready for work. Matthew was children's psychologist, he established his own hours as weekdays from 9 to 6 and Saturdays 1 to 6,  then of course Sundays off. He only started working this job maybe a year or two ago, just to get the proper qualifications he needed. His passion was helping others, and Matthew was so good with kids so his dream job just seemed to fall right into his lap.</p>
<p>As Matthew got ready, Alfred arched his back and raised his arms to stretch. It let out a satisfying crack as he sighed with pleasure.</p>
<p>There wasn't much on his own agenda, he had only some papers to grade, but he wasn't feeling that at the moment.</p>
<p>Matthew emerged from his room, he wore a sweater on top of a button up, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and Khakis. His wavy blonde hair was nearly brushed with some of his bangs tucked behind his ears. His glasses slid down his nose just a bit, as he picked up his case of files for work. He pushes his glasses further up his nose. "Hey Al." He calls out, standing in the kitchen writing down some words on a note.</p>
<p>"Yeah?" Alfred calls back, not turning his brother, still staring at the ridiculous cartoons that played on the tv screen.</p>
<p>"I need you to get some things at the store today." He moves from the fridge, and goes to the cabinets and behind writing down whatever is low or missing. "Dad and Papa are coming over tonight for dinner since they just got back remember? We need a few things, so I can good dinner. And They won't have conniption."</p>
<p>Their food usually wasn't in short supply, they ate well, just running low was all. They ate very healthy generally, to help with Alfred's diet is all. His weight had really fluctuated in the last few years, now he's almost back to normal. Not as toned as he used to be, but that may be because he's not on the police force anymore.</p>
<p>Matthew sticks the finished grocery list on the fridge with a magnet "The list is on the fridge all, the bags are on the counter." He picks up his suitcase and calls out one more time when he's at the door "and make sure you feed Kuma!" Then he's gone.</p>
<p>Alfred looks over at Kuma, it's his brothers pristine white, fluffy dog. He's one of the oddest animals he's ever met before, seems completely normal yet behaves like he's human. Which may be because Matthew almost treats him like another human. The dog, to Alfred, almost resembled a bear. Which he insists to his twin that he actually is, to which Matthew always simply shakes his head in response.</p>
<p>"He's an Akita Al, not a bear.." he can practically hear his brother say.</p>
<p>Alfred shakes his head, he gets up from the couch and goes to the bowl in the kitchen which he fills with a generous amount of dog food.</p>
<p>Hearing the clink of kibble, Kuma slides off the couch and prances into the kitchen. He immediately begins crunching on his food excitedly.</p>
<p>The blonde leaves the dog to his meal and heads to his own room, he might as well go out to the store now. He wasn't exactly hungry at the moment or anything, after all he ate a lot of Matthews Pancakes. What else could Alfred do at 11:47?</p>
<p>He puts on his favorite pair of jeans and a button down. The button down was one of his favorites, he bought it a few months ago because of the the pattern. It was a black background with various green, tropical leave that covered all around. On occasion somewhere on the shirt would be a pink or white flower. The sleeves were rolled up past his elbows, something he and his brother shared in common was the hatred of long sleeves sitting too far down on their forearms. He rolls the cuffs of his jeans, a habit he got into simply because he liked the appearance. He put on some slide on vans, comfortable easy shoes, over his plain black socks.</p>
<p>Alfred put on his glasses, went to the bathroom and brushes his shirt hair. He didn't exactly clean it up, he always lets it fall naturally, just make it look neater and tame any cowlicks on his head (though the one in the front will always stand, even if he didn't like it.).</p>
<p>He grabs his wallet, grocery list, bags, and heads to the front door, once outside he takes his keys and locks it behind him.</p>
<p>The house he shares with his brother is a town house, not too far of a walking distance from the store. Their home is pretty urban, not quite a city but often bustling with life and traffic. It was a nice community, filled with smiling faces.</p>
<p>The store was only a few blocks away, it took possibly 10 minutes to walk. The store itself was a single standing building. Alfred walked inside, grabbing a cart and throwing the bags in the little child's seat.</p>
<p>He carries the list and a pen, walking through the store and getting what he needs. His eyes quickly trace down the list to see what he needs next...</p>
<p>Milk <br/>Eggs<br/>Spinach<br/>Lettuce <br/>Cereal <br/>Rice<br/>Bagels<br/>Asparagus <br/>Chicken? <br/>Apples<br/>Bananas <br/>Flour<br/>Rosemary <br/>Basil ....</p>
<p>Basil was next. Since he was already in the produce section he only pushed his cart a little ways. He picked up one of the bunches of basil and sniffed it, It was a good smell! He looks to make sure all the leaves look nice and green. He deems it to be a good batch, he places it in a small plastic bag and puts it in the cart. He looks at the list again...</p>
<p>Broccoli</p>
<p>Broccoli. He scoots down a little ways further and grabs a head of the vegetable. He felt as though someone was standing near him, not that it was uncommon in a grocery store, it felt as though there was a strange pull.</p>
<p>He looks up, to his right.</p>
<p>It was almost in sync the way it happened. The two people met eye to eye at the same exact moment.</p>
<p>"Alfred?" He asked.</p>
<p>Hearing his name made him freeze up, nearly dropping the vegetable in his hand. He took a breath. </p>
<p>"Lovino?"</p>
<p>The Italian perked up, seemingly has the same reaction.</p>
<p>The silence between them was awkward, so thick you could cut it with a knife. The two men stood their in silence, just staring at each other, looking each other in the eyes.</p>
<p>"Well..." Alfred started, gingerly sticking the Broccoli into a bag. "I... should get going." He felt this sudden urge to start crying, his chest ached. He hadn't even seen a picture of this man, his ex boyfriend in almost 3 years. Now standing right beside him In a grocery store. "It was nice seeing you." He puts both hands on the cart, starts to push.</p>
<p>"Wait!" Lovino calls out. He looks from side to side, checking to see if he drew in an unwanted attention. "Do you maybe um... want to get coffee? To catch up!" He rubs the back of his neck. "It's been so long, and I'm just... really curious what you've been up to... y'know like a friend thing."</p>
<p>Alfred stood there in shock, it seemed like such an odd request to him.</p>
<p>3 years since they've broken up, 3 years since Lovino had left him behind, and now here they are.</p>
<p>3 years later standing in front of the produce section of a grocery store. And Lovino Vargas asks him to get coffee, to catch up, as friends.</p>
<p>Alfred wants to say no, he's barely recovered in the last 3 years from heartbreak. His heart is barely stitched together, this could make it come undone again.</p>
<p>Yet, when he looks Lovino in the eyes something inside him pushes that "no" down.</p>
<p>After a few moments, his response slips out. "Sure..."</p>
<p>Alfred's chest pains only grew when I saw that rare smile grow across Lovino's face. Good god, how he missed that smile.</p>
<p>"So..." the Italian starts "is today okay? We can go toe cafe, y'know the one right across the street..."</p>
<p>"Um..." Alfred looks at all the food in his cart, and the few things still left on his list "I... should probably get these things home, and finish shopping...."</p>
<p>Lovino's eyes widened and ran a hand through his hair "oh! Right! I need to finish shopping too!" He looks at his own list and the things sitting in his shopping basket. "We can meet in..." He clicks his phone on to check the time "an hour and a half? At the cafe?"</p>
<p>Alfred nods "sure..." he holds back a sigh. "So, I'll see you then?"</p>
<p>"See you then!" And then before Alfred knew it, he saw his ex lover walking away.</p>
<p>The blonde gave his eyes a quick rub with one hand, then he continued to shop so he could be at that stupid cafe in an hour and a half.</p>
<p>God, he was going to regret this.</p>
<p>.oOo.</p>
<p>Alfred stood outside the cafe.</p>
<p>Cafe Butterfly it was called, it was where he an Lovino shared one of their first dates. The business has been there for the last 20 years and continues to stay strong.</p>
<p>He checks his phone for the time, his leg starts shaking with anxiety. What if he's just left behind again? What if it's some cruel joke? The idea digs a deeper hole in his emotions, he feared sliding into another pit of despair and this might be the push.</p>
<p>Before he could give up and walk away, he see's the Italian walking a quick pace towards him, huffing, obviously going at a fast pace.</p>
<p>"So sorry I'm late!" He says as he approaches Alfred. "I got held up! But I'm here now!"</p>
<p>The two stand across from each other, after a beat, Alfred is the one who says something.</p>
<p>"So... should we go inside?"</p>
<p>Lovino, once again, his eyes open wide "yeah, my bad." He leads the way into the cafe.</p>
<p>The two walk inside.</p>
<p>"You can go find a table if you want, i can go get our drinks if you want..." Lovino offers.</p>
<p>Alfred bites the inside of his mouth "okay, I'll go do that."</p>
<p>He goes to a two person table hidden away in a corner by a window. It was one of Alfred's favorite places to sit, even before he and Lovino got together. He used to sit in this secluded location free school and do his homework. Well, try at least.</p>
<p>However ever since the break up the only time he had the delicious coffee and pastries from this cafe was when Matthew brought it for him. Alfred refused to go in by himself. He knew he'd be overcome with emotion if he went by himself, too many bittersweet memories.</p>
<p>Yet, here he was once again. Making more memories that would likely only ache.</p>
<p>Alfred was focused on his twiddling thumbs and chewing the inside of his lip, he barely noticed how much time had passed. Lovino was setting the full mugs on the table, one in front of Alfred and one in front of himself.</p>
<p>The clinking brought Alfred back to reality, he eyes the drink in front of him. Whip cream and Chocolate syrup on top.</p>
<p>Alfred gingerly picks up the mug, he takes a quick sip since it's still a bit too hot, but the whip cream on top cooled it just enough.</p>
<p>"You remembered my favorite drink?" Alfred is breathless, such a simple thing like this, and Lovino has already stolen his heart again.</p>
<p>God dammit.</p>
<p>"Of course I do." Lovino twirls his own drink in the mug, a plain cappuccino that sits in a small cup. "It's not like you didn't get it every single time."</p>
<p>"Right..." Alfred sips his drink more. "So, what have you been doing?" This is what they came for anyway, to catch up. That's it, they were just here as friends.</p>
<p>"Well I've finally opened that restaurant, y'know the one I always talked about opening. A real Italian restaurant instead of that Olive Garden bullshit." Lovino says, to which Alfred couldn't help but giggle. He knew the Italians hatred towards Olive Garden. He remembers the time he took Lovino to the restaurant once before, and despised every minute (though he did admit the breadsticks weren't awful).</p>
<p>Lovino continues "I moved in with my brother, you know Feliciano, and his bastard roommate Ludwig. They're still hopelessly in love with each other by the way, both are too fucking dense to even realize it." He rolls his eyes "but business has been good, it's a nice place. Maybe you could come by sometime and eat some real Italian food." He looks at Alfred with hopeful eyes, not that the American actually noticed this. He was too preoccupied with sipping on his drink and staring into his whip cream momentarily before looking up. But by then Lovino's desperation already washed away from his face. "But that's really it for me, nothing too eventful for me. What about you, Alfred?"</p>
<p>Alfred sighed, he ran his tongue across his teeth "Well, I quit my job."</p>
<p>"You quit?" Lovino yelled, almost a little too loud.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but I went back to school, so that's good." This information seemed to make the brunette settle in his seat a bit more, he stared at Alfred with curiosity. "I joined a program so I could start teaching while I finish school, You know how they need teachers around here. Um, I teach history at the high school and I started this year." Alfred sighs, thinking of what else to say "I live with Matthew— he's a child's psychologist now, which is really cool. Um, my parents have been on frequent trips to Europe. As soon as I get my teaching degree, I'm going to go for credentials in teaching AP classes.... so yeah. That's pretty much what I've been up to." Of course that's with the exception of excessive weight gain (and loss) and depression.</p>
<p>"Wow." Lovino crosses his arms over his chest as he leans back into his chair "I'm impressed Al, you've really done well for yourself."</p>
<p>"Yeah..." he finishes his drink, and with a clink he places the empty mug on the table.</p>
<p>The brunette does the same with his own drink "I'm happy for you, really. I'm glad you're finally doing something you love."</p>
<p>Alfred nods in response "same to you, you've always dreamed of that restaurant."</p>
<p>The two mostly sat in silence, small talk about what their family has been up too, or movies or shows they've seen recently. Alfred looks outside the window, peeling his gaze away from Lovino momentarily, he see's the sky beginning to darken, partially due to the clouds coming over head. He looks at his phone which read "5:07". He clicks his phone off and shoved it in his pocket "Hey I gotta go, my dad's are coming home today and Mattie needs my help with dinner."</p>
<p>"Okay." The two begin to stand together, pushing in their chairs. They stop and stand in front of each other. "So, see you around?" Lovino asks.</p>
<p>"Yea." Alfred's simple response. They stand their for a few moments, awkward and unsure of what to do. Lovino then opens his arms for a hug, to which Alfred mimics the movement, and they hug. It wasn't exactly pleasant, but Alfred finally touching him after so long made his heart leap. They pulled apart. "Well, better get going." And Alfred walks out the door of the cafe, and leaves Lovino behind. Just as he's about to turn a corner he hears someone call out to him.</p>
<p>"Wait!" Alfred turns around to see, and it's Lovino speed walking towards him. He stops in front of Alfred "I need to give you my phone number!"</p>
<p>Alfred's eyebrow shoot up, and gives him a confused look "Don't I have it?" He asks, he never blocked or deleted the contact off his phone, he couldn't.</p>
<p>In response, Lovino Shakes his head "I actually lost and broke my phone, so my new one has a new number." He takes out his phone and opens a new contact. "Just put your info in."</p>
<p>So, Alfred does.</p>
<p>The two go separate ways.</p>
<p>.oOo.</p>
<p>Alfred unlocks the door to the townhouse and walks inside. He's lazily greeted by Kuma, who simply rubs his head against his leg.</p>
<p>He sets his wallet down on the counter, he looks up at the clock on the wall that reads "5:49" meaning his brother will he home soon.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Matthew sent him the idea for dinner so Alfred could start things up for his twin.</p>
<p>He takes out the proper dishes, they're making something with chicken tonight, hence what he bought at the grocery store. There wasn't much else he could do till Matthew got home, so he went to the couch and sat down. He kicked the shoes off his feet, and leaned back into the soft cushions.</p>
<p>Alfred sat in silence.</p>
<p>His body felt heavy, he stared into the open just trying to wrap his head around today.</p>
<p>The cafe, seeing his ex who invited him to the cafe. The ex who left him alone on Christmas. The ex he was so hopelessly in love with all he wanted was to give him that little ring and be with him forever.</p>
<p>Thoughts rolled around in his brain endlessly, till one seemed to stand out among the rest.</p>
<p>"What if he misses you too?"</p>
<p>Alfred tensed up at the thought alone, what if he did? He tried to hold back the tears that swelled up in his eyes, but one blink and they tumbled down his cheeks.</p>
<p>He brought up a hand to wipe away the tears, trying to erase what he could because he couldn't cry; he shouldn't cry.</p>
<p>But his efforts proved to be useless, more tears just followed and his breath followed suit. It was uneven, gasping. His hands slid under his glasses desperately trying to stop crying.</p>
<p>Little sobs left his body.</p>
<p>God dammit.</p>
<p>He knew this would break him, he chest hurt but at the same time felt hollow. This small encounter forced him to feel like he did a few years ago, absolutely broken.</p>
<p>Lovino has that kind of effect on him, make his emotions do crazy things, make him feel more.</p>
<p>He hadn't felt like this in months, months. He worked hard to reach this point, where he was mended just enough that he could carry on.</p>
<p>It all went down the drain. All because he said yes, all because he went to that stupid cafe.</p>
<p>Matthew walked into the house, he almost called out his usually "Al, I'm home!", but he knew immediately something was off.</p>
<p>He shut the door gently behind him, careful not to make a sound, and gently places his case on the floor.</p>
<p>His footsteps are light, and he walks through the kitchen, to the living room. There he was.</p>
<p>Matthew's own heart broke at the site of his brother crying, just as he did when his heart was first broken.</p>
<p>He followed his first instinct, get as fast as he could over there— which he did.</p>
<p>He sat down next to his brother and wrapped him in a hug, Alfred at first tended up at the contact, not expecting it. The minute he realized who it was, he embraced the warmth and returned the hug.</p>
<p>Alfred's face was pressed against Matthew's shoulder, who rubbed circles on the crying man's back. He whispered "it's okay" and gentle hushes to help calm his brother. </p>
<p>The two sat there for 15 minutes till Alfred calmed down.</p>
<p>The man sat up, and rubbed his hand under his glasses to wipe away and excess tears (it didn't do much, his face was soaking wet).</p>
<p>Matthew grabbed Alfred's free hand and held it gently, offering more comfort to him.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" He asks. The question was simple, Alfred and him were open books. It didn't take much to get an answer out of each other, they were honest.</p>
<p>Alfred looked at their hands, he didn't want to look Matthew in the eye out of fear of crying again.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath and let it out, trying to even out his own breaths a bit more. "I saw Lovino at the store today." He could feel Matthew stiffen at those words. "He talked to me, and I talked to him back." His eyes started to dart around, taking more deep breaths to stay even. "Then he asked me to go to the cafe with him... you know the one."</p>
<p>Alfred looked into Matthew's violet eyes, tears swelling up in his blue ones because it was hard, it was hard to get these words out. They hurt. "And I said yes."</p>
<p>Matthew was shocked by this, he hadn't seen his brother this upset in months but now this explains why. "So, did you go today?"</p>
<p>"Yea." Alfred sniffles "we just talked, he said we should catch up as friends." He chokes a little, a few tears roll down his cheeks again, this time just letting them cascade down his pink, wet face.</p>
<p>The two sat in silence for a few minutes, Alfred stared at their hands again and Matthew watched him with careful eyes.</p>
<p>Alfred looked at him again "I miss him Mattie, I miss him so much."</p>
<p>"I know you do..." Matthew reaches to the side and grabs tissues from a box of them that sits on the coffee table. He tries to wipe away his brother's tears. "Oh Al..." his brother breaks down in front of him.</p>
<p>Matthew remembers vividly when his twin's heart was first broken. It almost replicated this exact moment. All he wanted to do was hold his brother and comfort him, make him stop crying, make him feel better.</p>
<p>It wouldn't do much though, it was clear his heart hadn't entirely healed at all. He just hoped it wouldn't be as bad as before.</p>
<p>There was a knock at the door, followed by what sounded like loud arguing.</p>
<p>A gentle smile stretched across Matthew's face, as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was very obviously their parents, who fought all the time but miraculously are still married after all this time and be in love with each other.</p>
<p>Alfred noticed this too and stood up quickly, a little too quickly because he got a little light headed at the motion.</p>
<p>Matthew steadied him "Hey." Alfred looked at his brother, his eyes wide and showing the distress that spread across his face because he didn't know what to do.</p>
<p>Their parents didn't know he entire story with Alfred. They knew he and Lovino broke up— not how, when, and why because they were still in Europe at the time. They knew Alfred wanted to go back to school, which they offered their support. They knew Alfred started seeing a regular doctor for a while— what kind they still don't know, and started a medication, but that was it.</p>
<p>They didn't know Alfred was left on Christmas because he couldn't say no. They didn't know Alfred for a long time started seeing a therapist to help cope with his break up. They didn't know he started anti-depressants because somedays were harder than others.</p>
<p>Matthew understood he wanted it to stay this way, they both loved their parents unconditionally, but sometimes they were... themselves.</p>
<p>Had a flare for dramatics.</p>
<p>"Go to the bathroom, clean yourself up. You'll be okay, I won't tell them anything." Matthew's hand rubbed Alfred's shoulder.</p>
<p>The twin nodded, and walked quickly to the restroom, and locked the door.</p>
<p>Alfred looked at himself in the sink, he looked like a total train wreck.</p>
<p>He couldn't quite make out the noise outside, but he could hear his parents and brother talking, probably a greeting and explaining where he himself was. He heard sounds in the kitchen, so he assumed dinner was being made.</p>
<p>Alfred signed and turned on the sink, the cold water came rushing out. He took off his glasses and placed them on the sink, then grabbed a wash cloth. He ran it under the water and let it get wet. He gently wrung it out just a bit, then dabbed it in his face.</p>
<p>His face felt swollen, and he could tell his eyes were red, but his face wasn't as pink anymore. Other than his eyes, you couldn't tell he was crying.</p>
<p>He dried off his face with a nearby towel and put his glasses back in his face.</p>
<p>Deeming he was fine to leave, he turned off the sink and left the bathroom.</p>
<p>The smell of chicken hit his nose, it smelled amazing, he expected nothing less of his brother. Alfred does not have any of the cooking skills from his Papa, not as bad as his father though. He can at least manage eggs or a grilled cheese, the basic things. Matthew on the other hand got all of those skills, he knew his way around the kitchen. Alfred was grateful for that, when he lived on his own it was with Lovino who was an amazing chef. The blonde on occasion would try to cook, but Lovino always made sure he was the one making the meals out of choice.</p>
<p>Alfred walked into the kitchen and put on his million dollar smile. His parents turned their heads and immediately rushed to their son.</p>
<p>"Oh my other handsome baby boy! Look at you!" Francis grabbed his son's cheeks, pinching them as he laughed.</p>
<p>"You git he's twenty six not five! Cut that out!" Arthur smacked his husband's hands off their son.</p>
<p>His father's looked just as young as they did when he was just a boy, maybe other than a few wrinkles here and there, but still young. It makes the twins wonder how the hell they do it, they've settled on witchcraft jokingly at some point, but they're still yet to figure that out.</p>
<p>"It's okay!" Alfred exclaims, flashing his white teeth "I've missed you guys!" He wraps both of his dads into a tight hug.</p>
<p>The last he saw his parents was was four months ago, his parents constantly travel for their own business. When they were younger, they tried to work from home when they could, or only one of them left to leave the country. Ever since the boys moved out they often went together now since they could, but set aside time for them as often as possible.</p>
<p>The three separate from the hug.</p>
<p>"Well!" Francis claps his hands and ties his silky blonde hair into a ponytail "Let's help Matthieu, set the table!"</p>
<p>The three then set out the plates, napkins, and silverware. Alfred put on some music to fill in the background noise, even the room had already been filled with cheerful chatter and laughter.</p>
<p>Soon enough the family was sitting at the table, eating the well prepared dinner. They discussed recent events, the parents pestering The boys about any recent dating pursuits; the boys would laugh and shake their heads.</p>
<p>Matthew wasn't one to date a lot, he dated two people before, but he hadn't really had the time to settle at all.</p>
<p>After they finished the family was cleaning the dishes together, Francis and Arthur washed while Alfred and Matthew dried and put them away.</p>
<p>As they finished, Alfred's phone buzzed from a received text on the kitchen counter. He tosses the damp rag over his shoulder, he opens his phone to see he'd gotten a text from a new Number </p>
<p>(xxx) xxx-xxxx - 8:35<br/>It's me Lovino.</p>
<p>Sorry to text you this late<br/>But I was wondering if you<br/>Wanted to get dinner tomorrow?</p>
<p>Or lunch, it's a school night for<br/>You I guess.</p>
<p>Alfred stared at his phone, he's in a complete state of shock. Why? Is all he can ask himself, why after all this time is Lovino texting him, wanting to be around him.</p>
<p>He receives another text</p>
<p>We can go to my restaurant, <br/>food will be on the house.</p>
<p>Since I own it.</p>
<p>He continued to stand perfectly still as he stared at his phone.</p>
<p>"Mon Cheri, are you okay?"</p>
<p>His family must have noticed his stillness.</p>
<p>"Sweetheart, breath."</p>
<p>Alfred didn't even notice he had stopped breathing, he takes a breath.</p>
<p>He looks up from his phone to see his Papa holding his face, his brother and father were standing behind him. Concern was written on all of their faces.</p>
<p>"I'm fine." Alfred says softly, putting his phone in his pocket, then takes Francis' hands off his face. "I'm okay Papa, I'm just tired. School's kept me busy, I just need to go to bed." He places a kiss on his parent's for head and gave them a hug goodnight. Then, he escapes to his room, up the stairs.</p>
<p>Once he was inside his own room, he closes the door behind him. Hands run down his face, he places his phone on the nightstand.</p>
<p>He immediately changes into his pajamas— just a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt.</p>
<p>Alfred lay's down on his bed. He lays there, and thinks for a few moments.</p>
<p>"Fuck." He matters to himself, he turns to his side and grabs his phone. Then shoots Lovino a quick text.</p>
<p>(xxx) xxx-xxxx<br/>Sure! <br/>Does 6 sound okay?</p>
<p>Almost immediately he receives a response.</p>
<p>(xxx) xxx-xxxx<br/>Great! I'll see you then.<br/>Here's the address.</p>
<p>Attached:<br/>Location</p>
<p>Alfred sighed, clicks off his phone and puts it on the charger. He then falls asleep, though he rolled around trying to cancel his own thoughts, he eventually slipped away into slumber.</p>
<p>.oOo.</p>
<p>Alfred felt like an idiot.</p>
<p>He stood just outside the Italian restaurant. He wore a blue sweater, pulled up to his elbows. He wore khakis and a nice pair of dress shoes.</p>
<p>There was some research done before he arrived, he had no idea what to wear.</p>
<p>The restaurant seemed to be somewhat formal, just not fancy. He figured this outfit suited for such a location.</p>
<p>He looked at his watch, he usually never wears one but he thought it might go with his outfit.</p>
<p>The time was 6:02.</p>
<p>Alfred took a deep breath and stepped inside. He walked to the hostess stand.</p>
<p>The lady standing at the post gave him a smile "how many?" She asks.</p>
<p>"Im meeting someone here actually." He says, a little unsure of himself. He shoves his hands in his pockets. "Um, Lovino. Vargas."</p>
<p>"Oh!" She grabs two menus from the stand "follow me then please!" She guides Alfred up the stairs of the building.</p>
<p>They come out to a balcony, there are only a few other tables around. The fence that surrounded the roof top grew vines of leaves and flowers. The tables were clothed and candle lit, casual but oddly romantic.</p>
<p>Something about it made Alfred sick to his stomach from dread.</p>
<p>Alfred takes a seat as the hostess places a menu in front of him. "Let me go grab Mr.Vargas for you!" She walks away with pep in her step.</p>
<p>The blonde lets out a sigh as he stares at the menu. All the dishes seem familiar, mostly because he vividly remembers Lovino making him all of these dishes at one point or another.</p>
<p>If he's being honest with himself, the thought made his stomach growl, Lovino's food was really good after all.</p>
<p>Before he knew it, the Brunette Italian was walking to the table.</p>
<p>He was handsome, it was unfair how handsome he was.</p>
<p>Lovino wore form fitting dress pants with a just as nice pink button down shirt.</p>
<p>Unfair.</p>
<p>"Hey, Alfred." He gave a simple greeting as he sat down in his chair.</p>
<p>"Hey Lovino..." was Alfred's response, just as plain.</p>
<p>A waitress came and ordered their drinks, she made sure she upped her game since she was serving the boss, not that Lovino was paying much attention to her work ethic.</p>
<p>Lovino broke the temporary silence. "Thank you for coming." He swallowed "it means a lot to me."</p>
<p>"It's no problem!" Alfred throws in a small laugh and a smile "I miss your cooking anyway, it's been years since I've had it..." he trailed off at the end.</p>
<p>The two remained in silence with an exception of the waitress who took their order, on the occasion asked how they were doing, and Alfred's small positive comments on the meal.</p>
<p>They both got Chicken Parmigiana and Caprese Salad to eat. Along side to drink was a shared bottle of red wine.</p>
<p>The red wine was good, Lovino knew good wine and would never serve anything other than the best. The food was amazing, not as amazing as Lovino's personal cooking though. The flavor in his meals were unique and could not be replicated, though obviously the chefs at his restaurant had enough skills to get close to it. Just not quite there.</p>
<p>The sun had set an hour ago, a chill was starting to set in, cold enough the Alfred was forced to pull his Sleeves down.</p>
<p>"Can I walk you home?" Lovino asks.</p>
<p>Alfred to say the least was surprised, visibly so he was sure. "Yeah... if you want to I guess."</p>
<p>With that, The two left the restaurant. They walked in silence.</p>
<p>For most of this... get together and night in general, Alfred had been trapped in his own thoughts.</p>
<p>There was no explanation as to why now Lovino reaches out to him and want to reconnect, whatever this was. For a moment Alfred did convince himself that they were just connecting as friends, he prepared himself for this.</p>
<p>But, then there was dinner. The entire meeting just seemed romantic in a sense, Alfred couldn't shake it.</p>
<p>Then Lovino paid for dinner, granted it was his restaurant, but still it felt weird to him.</p>
<p>Now he was walking him home? It just felt like some high school romcom.</p>
<p>These thoughts spun around in his brain, he stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Lovino.</p>
<p>The Italian notices after only a few steps, he turns around to face the blonde "Alfred whats—"</p>
<p>"What is this?" Alfred cuts him off, looking Lovino in the eyes. "What are you doing? Am i some kind of fucking joke to you?"</p>
<p>Lovino is taken aback from the sudden abrasiveness coming from the American. His mouth stays agape, shocked and unknowing of what the hell to say.</p>
<p>"Why are we on this... whatever the fuck it is. Why are you talking to me? Why are we here?" Alfred asks these questions, desperate to hear some kind of response.</p>
<p>"Why are we here? Alfred I just want to reconnect with you!"</p>
<p>"Oh cut the bullshit Vargas." He lets out a huff, his hands are shoved in his pockets, starting to shiver from the slight chill. "You left me in that stupid house three years ago, never a single word till now. What the fuck is going on? I can't wrap my brain around why I'm here right now. You buy me coffee, you buy my dinner, and now you're walking me home?" Why are you treating this like, like we're some high schoolers. Some, some stupid fucking kids." Alfred laughs a little, the words pouring out of his mouth as some tears start to be shed. He's confused, not mad, he doesn't know how to process this whole situation. "I just..." deep breathes "I just want to know why. And please, please be honest. Lovino you're breaking my heart all over again, I barely got over this in the first place, so please just. Be honest. I can't handle it." Alfred doesn't realize how quickly tears are cascading down his face.</p>
<p>The tears fall, it's not like he means to anyway. Alfred then takes notice that a few tears are falling down the Italians face.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry Alfred." Lovino starts, he take a deep breath himself. "Im so, so fucking sorry." He takes a hand to wipe his own face. "I didn't want to hurt you. I was too much of a fucking chicken to say anything. I was scared that after that you'd be angry and not want me back I—" he sniffles "I've missed you too and not a day goes by I don't regret leaving you behind. God fucking dammit, Alfred you mean so much to me."</p>
<p>Silence passed between them, they just stared at each other as salty tears slid down their faces.</p>
<p>"The reason I waited till now was because, because I was scared." Lovino started, shakiness evident in his voice. "I didn't know what to say or do, because I missed you so much. I didn't know how you would react either... so I waited." He but his lip gently, his gave drifted to the side. "Then, I saw you at the store and you just, stole my breath away, okay? I didn't even realize I said your name till you said mine and I just..." He rubs his eyes, trying to stop crying "I only wanted to be near you again. But I didn't know how you felt, or if you even wanted to see me. I asked then because I couldn't help myself, the words fell out because it'd been so long. I just, missed you."</p>
<p>Without a second though Alfred pulled Lovino into a tight hug, the blonde's entire body wracked from the sobs that left him. Lovino followed suit, wrapping his arms around Alfred and let out his own cries.</p>
<p>The two stood like this, though passerby's gave them strange looks, they didn't care.</p>
<p>Who knows how long they stood like that, when they finally pulled apart and managed to calm down, Lovino took notice in how he shivered.</p>
<p>Unbuttoning his shirt, he takes it off since he Is still wearing a plain t-shirt underneath. "It's not much but..." he wraps the button up around Alfred's shoulders. Not that it did much but the gesture was kind enough. Alfred smiled.</p>
<p>The two walked hand in hand back to Alfred's home.</p>
<p>Both finally seemed truly content for the first time in a long time. </p>
<p>.oOo.</p>
<p>One year has passed, and the two had started dating again.</p>
<p>Needless to say they shared many blissful dates once again, though they didn't pretend nothing had happened.</p>
<p>Alfred was honest about what he went through (and still does) and he would struggle to get back into the swing of things.</p>
<p>Lovino was understanding, he and Alfred took their rekindled relationship step by step since then.</p>
<p>When Alfred told his brother, a few days after the two had decided to get back together, you can imagine how he felt.</p>
<p>Let's just say Matthew was happy, but only after a long, stern talking with Lovino. He left it off with "And if you ever hurt my brother again, I'll kick your ass into the stratosphere." Which he managed to say in such a kind and gentle voice, with a smile that matched. Yet, it still managed to strike fear in Lovino's heart.</p>
<p>Their relationship was steady, happy to be together after so long. They shared many dates to make up for the ones they missed, sweet kisses, and gentle touches. To them, it was blissful love once again.</p>
<p>Now it was a year later.</p>
<p>The two finally decided they were stable enough to move in together again. They picked an apartment, which was rather close to Lovino's restaurant.</p>
<p>Boxes laid all around the empty apartment.</p>
<p>There was two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen that connected to a living room, and a small balcony.</p>
<p>Needless to say, it was perfect to them.</p>
<p>"Well, that's the last one!" Alfred states dropping the box (gently of course) onto the floor. "Already feels like home!" He puts his hands on his hips.</p>
<p>"It really does." Lovino comes and stands next to Alfred, wrapping an arm around his waist to which Alfred does the same in return. The blonde places a kids onto the italian's temple. They both stared at the empty space of their apartment, which was soon to be filled, but that was for another day.</p>
<p>For now they had an air mattress being blown up as the sun was setting outside.</p>
<p>Alfred sighs, content "I'm happy."</p>
<p>Lovino hums in response "Me too." He leans against Alfred's shoulder.</p>
<p>There was a confortable silence that went through the apartment, taking in the moment. Nothing would seem to make the two happier than what they had now.</p>
<p>"Hey Alfie." Lovino says gently, which promptly make blue eyes lock on him. "Will you marry me?" He then takes out a shimmering ring from his pocket, holding it gently between two fingers.</p>
<p>Alfred's response was worth a million dollars, the way his smile grew that showed all his stunning white teeth, those deep blue eyes widening with surprise.</p>
<p>It was a mental picture Lovino would never want to lose. The ring was being slipped onto the blonde's finger as he said just one word.</p>
<p>"Yes!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Russian Literature</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matthew notices Alfred's strange behavior at school, he can't quite figure out what is wrong with him and why on earth he would take a Russian literature course!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this over the summer as well! I based it around the university I went to! Also I based this off of a prompt I saw on tumblr!! ( I don't remember who / where it was from but if it seems familiar to anyone lmk!!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For Matthew Williams, college seemed like a daunting task. He was going to a private university in the city, that alone made his heart race from anxiety. Of course he was excited, it was a good school in a great place, and it's not like he was alone.</p><p>His twin brother, Alfred, was always with him and helped him settle into the college life. Alfred had no troubles settling into it, he was an extrovert and loved to socialize. Despite him being a people person, he still shared a dorm with his twin. The two always had each other's backs, talked about their own problems and what was stressing them out. It was a support system that helped integrate Matthew into his college life.</p><p>Which thankfully for that, it really helped him out. Now the two were in their sophomore year, both still rooming together.</p><p>It was the first week into their first semester, when Alfred came into their shared dorm while Matthew was putting down dates into a small calendar book he owned. In Alfred's hand he held a sheet of paper, he put his backpack on he bed with a gentle toss then placed the paper on his desk.</p><p>"What's that?" Matthew asked, his voice soft as it usually was.</p><p>"This?" Alfred asked pointing to the sheet that was in his desk. Matthew rolls his eyes, nodding his head communicating a silent duh. Alfred sticks his tongue out and responds "It's my schedule, I got a course added is all." He sits down in his chair at his desk, which was across the room from Matthew's.</p><p>"Oh, in what?" The soft spoken twin asks, returning back to his calendar, glancing at his syllabus for the correct dates.</p><p>"Russian Literature." Alfred responds in a very casual manner, not even looking at his brother.</p><p>In a quick second, Matthew's head snapped as her turned around and stared at his twin with wide eyes in surprise "What?"</p><p>Alfred looks at his brother, who's face expressed the shock and surprise he felt in that moment. "I'm taking Russian literature." He says simply with shrug.</p><p>Matthew continues to stand there, eyebrows scrunched and mouth agape as he stares at his twin. He adjusts himself in his chair, leaning against the desk, his eyes still boring holes into his brother's head. Alfred was still looking at the other completely relaxed, as if this wasn't shocking at all.</p><p>They say in silence for a few more moments before the violet eyed twin lets out a quiet sigh as he rubs his temples "I just... don't get it Al, that's all." He says softly.</p><p>"What's there not to get?" Alfred states, slouching in his chair. "I'm taking a Russian literature class as an extra course, duh."</p><p>"That's what I can't understand, you hate classes like that." Matthew cards his fingers through his longer blonde locks, his hair was a bit longer than Alfred's. His twin often him his clean and short, not terribly of course, but shorter. His twin on the other hand, liked to keep his longer.</p><p>Alfred could only shrug in response "Just thought I'd... give it a try is all, it sounded interesting." His response seemed half assed, but Matthew at this point was tired enough as is. He's just going to drop it now.</p><p>"Okay..." Matthew turns to continue working on his calendar, while Alfred turns to his own desk as he opens up his laptop. Assuming he was looking for text books for the Russian literature class. "Just, work hard and don't flake out last minute. And don't fail..." he bites the inside of his lip, then he mutters softly just quiet enough that Alfred couldn't hear him.</p><p>"God, he's going to regret this..."</p><p>.oOo.</p><p>A yawn erupted from Matthew as he walked down the halls of the school campus. It wasn't exactly early, in fact it was almost two in the afternoon. Unfortunately for Matthew, on Monday's and Wednesday's he has a class at 6:30 am, why he allowed himself to take a sociology class this early he'll never know.</p><p>This just happened to be one of those unfortunate Wednesday's, luckily it was only two classes that day. Sociology at 6:30 and Biology at 12:45. Now his day was done, and he could head back to his dorm and get started on some papers. It was only two weeks in, but he liked getting things done early.</p><p>He walked to the elevator and pressed one of the up arrows. Matthew stood in front of the elevator, waiting for one of the doors to let out a soft ding so he could get on. He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time.</p><p>His lock screen is a picture of his fluffy little white dog back at home, who he missed dearly and was very excited to see again. The time was 2:07, he knew Alfred had a class at 9 this morning and had another one at 4. Knowing his brother it was likely he was in the cafeteria or behaving like a goofball in some social space on campus. He wasn't one to stick in the dorm a lot, Alfred was a social butterfly after all and knew a lot of people on campus.</p><p>This turned the corners of Matthew's mouth up just a tad, he loved his brother, but returning to an empty dorm was always nice. It meant he got the nice comfortable silence to do his work.</p><p>One of the elevators dinged, as the doors opened up. Matthew stepped on, only one other person stood inside. The man didn't really look familiar, with his blonde hair pushed up with Gel, green eyes and a long navy blue scarf hung around his neck.</p><p>The stranger next to Matthew looked like a hipster. He laughed to himself, mentally, at his own little quip. Then he pressed the button for his floor, 14 to be exact.</p><p>He stood there quietly, holding the straps of his backpack as he hit the inside of his lip gently.</p><p>The elevator came to a stop at the 14th floor, the guy next to him was going to 16, and Matthew stepped off.</p><p>He flashed his ID card against the little black box that was outside the hall door. After walking down the hall just a few paces, he stops at his own dorm.</p><p>Matthew pulls his lanyard off from around his neck, and takes the little key that's hooked on to unlock his door.</p><p>Much to his surprise as he steps inside, is Alfred sitting on top of their raised beds, with books scattered around him.</p><p>He looks deeply invested into a book titled Dead Souls, his eyes brows scrunched up in concentration and his glasses askew.</p><p>Matthew blinks. It was a sight to behold, because Alfred doesn't ever read books for class. Ever. What's more shocking is to see stacks of other books on the shelf next to his brother on the shelf. </p><p>It takes him a moment, but Alfred finally notices his brother walk inside. He sits up a little bit, and looks at him. "Oh hey Mattie!" He adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose "Didn't cya there!"</p><p>"You're reading?!" Matthew exclaims, not even a beat to take a breath after Alfred's last words.</p><p>"Uh yeah dude, for class." Alfred says in a matter-o-fact kind of way, as if it's obvious.</p><p>Matthew remains standing, his bag still hanging off his shoulders, exasperated at the sight in front of him. "But you don't do that, you don't read for class!"</p><p>In response, Alfred only shrugged again as he grabbed a bookmark off the shelf next to him and marked his page when he closed the book. "Just thought I might, do it y'know."</p><p>His twin stood there for a moment, eyes squinting as he stared at Alfred who in turn stared right back. Matthew dropped his bag next to his feet, then hops onto his bed. He toes his shoes off he feet, scooting back onto his bed leaning against the wall. "Right... okay." He muttered under his breath.</p><p>Matthew crosses his arms continuing to stare at Alfred across the room, who stared right back mirroring his twin.</p><p>Both sit in silence, neither making the first move to speak.</p><p>At least a minute passes till Matthew picks up a small calendar book he keeps next to his bed. Still silent, he flips through the pages checking for the important dates. Not that any were coming up just yet, only to sit and pass the time until one of the two finally said something to break the silence.</p><p>Finally, Matthew was the one who broke, wanting to peer into his brothers mind just a bit more. "So..." He starts, closing the book as he taps his fingers against the hard faux leather cover. "Why are you taking this class again?" He knew for a fact that Russian Literature was needed for his major, and he hates assigned reading. A lot about this seemed off to Matthew and he couldn't quite figure it out.</p><p>Alfred's cheeks turned a light pink, and went rigid for just a moment. He snatched up his books as he hopped off the raised bed and dumped them (gently) into his back pack. "Um, because it looked interesting I guess! Okay gotta go!"</p><p>And then like that Alfred was out the door. Matthew raised his eyebrows in surprise, staring at the door as if his twin was going to turn around and come back.</p><p>He shook his head, trying to ignore whatever the hell just happened. Matthew climbs off the bed and picks up his bag, then sits at his desk where he lets out a sigh.</p><p>"Oh Alfred..." he says quietly to himself.</p><p>.oOo.</p><p>The end of the semester was drawing close soon. Matthew was rather frantic about getting his final projects completed to perfection (although the had been working on them for a while).</p><p>Matthew sat in the schools library flipping through one of the books for a final project. Finals started in a week which had him worried, even though he was good with studying and usually never got anything less than a perfect score on exams, he still worries.</p><p>Quietly he tapped away at his laptop as he finished adding a couple extra notes to a paper. He bit the inside of his lip gently, reviewing the information one more time.</p><p>As he let out a sigh, he packed up his belongings and left dropping the book in a return bin.</p><p>He popped earbuds into his ears as he walked to his dorm, opting for the stairs for some kind of exercise.</p><p>To say he was worried for Alfred was an understatement. His twin wasn't awful in school to the point he was failing, but it was that damn Russian literature class that bothered him.</p><p>Alfred wasn't one to work excessively and something about it just felt off for Matthew. He really cared about his brother and wanted the best for him, so it was only natural for him to worry.</p><p>Matthew walked into the dorm he shared with Alfred, his brother mindlessly texting on his phone on his bed.</p><p>The other looked up from his phone when his brother walked in, watching him drop his bag on the ground. "Hey Mattie." He said gently, eyes returning to the screen.</p><p>"Hey Al." He hopped onto his own bed and yawned. "Hey." Matthew started, laying down with his hands resting on his chest. "What are your grades looking like right now?" He asks, he wants to make sure he's doing fine in his classes without directly showing he was worried of him.. failings</p><p>"Uuh, dunno. Let me check." Alfred says in response, tapping away in his phone to check out his grades online.</p><p>Silence passed through the room, the only sound to be heard was faint voices outside in the hall and the tapping of finger pads against the screen.</p><p>Alfred hummed lightly "ah! There we go!" His tongue peaked out past his lips as he zoomed in on his screen to look at his grades "uuum, b's in all my classes except for Russian literature."</p><p>Matthew tensed ah hearing this, suddenly worried for his brother. Oh god he's failing! This is going to look awfu—</p><p>"I have an A, almost perfect score! Too! Haha, look at that!"</p><p>That's when Matthew bolted upward in a flash, not even suppressing the "What" that escaped past his lips. His eyebrows scrunched up as he stared at Alfred.</p><p>"You heard me dude, I have a good grade. See." Alfred extends out his phone for Matthew to look out, to which his twin grabs the phone from the others hand as he stares at the score. "Well I'll be damned..."</p><p>Violet eyes studied the screen, his gaze going over it repeatedly trying to see if there was a mistake. Not that he didn't believe his brother was smart enough to do this well in a class, it was just bizarre.</p><p>Even since middle school, Al never studied, never read a book for class, and always been satisfied with just a C or B. Of all classes, why Russian Literature?</p><p>This semester has felt like the twilight zone to Matthew.</p><p>"It just... doesn't make sense Al. Your highest grade is in Russian literature. Who are you?" Matthew just stared at his brother, astonished.</p><p>Alfred only shrugged in response "anyway, wanna grab a bite to eat?" He asks sliding off the bed and pushing in his shoes.</p><p>Matthew only sighs, sliding off the bed himself "...sure" he puts on his own shoes and follows his twin out the door.</p><p>.oOo.</p><p>The blonde Canadian walks through the halls of the building, back pack partially sling over his shoulder. He had a few books in hand from previous classes, finals week was just wrapping up and everyone had just a few more for the semester. Matthew was returning a few books he had needed for classes that he borrowed from the library.</p><p>The halls were pretty quiet, mostly everyone was secluded in their dorms doing whatever to prepare for their final, whether it be napping or studying. Anyone else was walking to class or in the library.</p><p>Which is exactly where Matthew is headed. All his exams are done for the day, so he figured he would dump his books and go take a nap. The rest of the day was his anyways.</p><p>Matthew made it to the glass doors of the library, his eyes scanned the room that was surprisingly empty as he made his way to the return bin. There, he dumps his books.</p><p>As he turns to leave he see's a familiar mess of blonde hair with one notable cowlick sticking up. Next to him at the table , is a much bigger man with silvery, white hair.</p><p>He wasn't going to approach his twin at first, but noticed that Alfred was deeply invested in a book. His brother looked up at the other man only occasionally to laugh at something he said or smile, his eyes looking at the other longing.</p><p>The man across from Alfred had his hand resting on the table, as they talked about what they were reading the blonde slowly reached and rested his own hand on top of the other.</p><p>Matthew watched this interaction and a soft smile formed on his lips. He adjusts his back pack on his shoulder and approaches the two at the table.</p><p>Alfred looks up and see's his brother coming towards him, he quickly pulls his hand away and under the table. "Oh! Hey dude!" He gives a small wave towards his twin.</p><p>"Hey Al." Matthew greets him, coming to a stop "Whatcha up to?"</p><p>"Im studying for the Russian literature exam tomorrow." He pauses, then looks at his friends "right! And Matthew, this is Ivan, he's in my Russian literature class and we've been studying. Ivan, this is my twin brother Matthew. I've told you about him before, yeah?"</p><p>"Ivan" gave Matthew a little wave "Hello Matthew, I've heard so much about you!" He says, his Russian accent very thick.</p><p>Alfred smiles, looking at Ivan. Ivan returns almost the same exact look.</p><p>Matthew notices this interaction, taking a beat looking at the two in front of him.</p><p>Then suddenly, it's all clicked.</p><p>"Ooooh, Oh. I get it now."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Budding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The pain of being in love isn't easy for nations, for America and Russia there is no exception.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alfred glances at the digital clock that sits next to him on the bed stand.</p><p>The time read 12:07 am.</p><p>His eyes travel around the hotel room to the window where the thin white curtain were drawn,  just open enough for some light to travel through.</p><p>It hits the soft fabric of the messy bed covers, the sounds of the city muffled by the wall and glass.</p><p>He was here for a world meeting, had been for a few days now. Only because of other meetings he had to attend and a little extra time with his family.</p><p>A larger arm drapes over him, adding heat against his back. Typically the touch from this man would inevitably result in several not so nice words and a swift punch to the face.</p><p>Not when they're like this.</p><p>It's true that America and Russia had a lot of hate filled sex during the Cold War, their spite and hatefulness that couldn't be satisfied with physical aggression. They figured out that the rough hate fucking filled that.</p><p>They used to go out of their own ways just to meet up with each other and do just that.</p><p>After, the tension between them had been dialed down. Even though the war had ended, it didn't stop the two from being with each other.</p><p>No, they continued to have more nights filled with the rough and aggressive intercourse. Neither would ever admit how much they craved it, how between every world or G8 meeting they would crave the touch of the other.</p><p>It was an addiction.</p><p>Much to American's disappointment they no longer made "appointments" for such activities. They would only occur if they previously had a meeting.</p><p>Either way, both enjoyed the sex more than they'd like to admit.</p><p>In past engagements after they finished the other would hastily leave, but as time went on they began to stay with each other longer.</p><p>Not for any reason other than they no longer felt like going back to their individual hotel rooms. Each of course had their own, their governments booked and paid for them. They would never utter a word to their national leaders, or any other nation for that matter of the kind of relationship they had.</p><p>Honestly they assumed it was clear that no one would suspect them, the sexual tension between them was discovered behind closed doors. The arguments and fights they had in front of anyone else could never allude to something more occuring.</p><p>Of course, America could be some what oblivious and Russia simply just didn't care what other nations believed.</p><p>"You should sleep." The accent of the Russian man cut through the silence. His nose gently went through golden blonde hair, holding the American close.</p><p>America hummed, taking one of the man's hands with his own and bringing it up to his lips to gently place them against the knuckle.</p><p>The tenderness with each other was new.</p><p>It was a foreign feeling neither of them understood nor discussed. Any night after one of their private meetings, it was never spoken of again.</p><p>"America." Russia says gently, his head peaking up over top of the blonde's "We have another meeting in the morning. We have to be up early, we must rest."</p><p>America pulls the hand away still continuing to hold it as he lets out a sigh. "I know. But I can't."</p><p>"Why?" A big hand cards through the hair, massaging the younger's scalp, which elicited a soft groan.</p><p>"Thoughts."</p><p>Silence passed through them again, only the sound of the ac machine clicking on stood out in the room.</p><p>Ivan continued to massage the other with one hand, the other preoccupied with the touch of the other. Alfred fiddled with his touch, sliding his fingers over the calloused palm from years of war and harsh winters. Eventually, their hands interlock. Blue eyes stare at the bland wall, trapped with nothing but his own thoughts and his own enemy. But maybe that was a strong word. Enemies don't hold each other like this.</p><p>It was something that Alfred thought about a lot.</p><p>The way Russia would hold him as they slept through the night. Even though they didn't always prep beforehand, when he did it was gentle. The soft kiss that touched his skin in the after care in the past few years. The touches that grazed over him, that treated him like he was fragile and was made of glass. No one did that to him.</p><p>America admittedly hated being looked at like that, he hated being treated like he was something that could be broken. He was nothing like that.</p><p>But when Russia did it, something was different. Twenty, Thirty years ago he would've thought different. If the Russian were to ever treat him in such a way he would punch him square in the jaw and demand he fought back.</p><p>Now, things have changed. It wasn't the same anymore.</p><p>It's not like either of them would ever be intimate with anyone else. They each had their own fears like many others of their kind of establishing a bond with a human. That kind of relationship is never taboo, but there's the fear of connection followed by loss.</p><p>Other than that, both were feared.</p><p>Yes, Alfred had friends and good relationships with other countries. Something, similar, could be said about Ivan.</p><p>But no one would ever dare to even be like this with them, it was terrifying to be in a relationship with such a great power, even sleep with them.</p><p>It was normal for nations to be like that with each other, despite them being personifications and essentially immortal their needs were still Human.</p><p>To them at least, Russia and America were the only ones who could meet those needs with each other.</p><p>Still, it's strange that they would be so kind with each other after. To go from being left behind to being held, it wasn't their normal.</p><p>For whatever reason that he couldn't understand, America loved every moment of it.</p><p>If he was being honest with himself, Alfred was falling in love with the Russian man.</p><p>Undeniably he still had that fiery hatred from the years still burning inside him, but now it was combined with something else.</p><p>He wanted to be held by the other man, he wanted to kiss him. Not with the usual harshness that came with what they did, but something gentle filled with love.</p><p>Alfred despises this, he doesn't want to be in love with this man. He can't hide it though, it's undeniable. He was in love.</p><p>Finally, he speaks up. His voice is softer, contrasting his normally boisterous way of speaking. "Us." He says.</p><p>Ivan raises his brow at this, ceasing to touch the American's head and propping himself on his elbow. "Us?" He asks.</p><p>"Yeah." Alfred sits up, the blanket falling and just covering his exposed lower region. He drops Ivan's hand, bringing his knee's up and leaning against them. "Us."</p><p>Violet eyes stare at the American's side profile, studying the features of the man. He didn't have a bad angle, Ivan hated that about him. An incredibly attractive young man.</p><p>But he wouldn't comment on that now.</p><p>"What about us?"</p><p>America bites his lower. His eyes stay focused on the blankets, occupied in how the fabric curves over his legs and feet.</p><p>His nails scrape over the fabric, going back in forth anxiously, trying to work up the nerve to speak.</p><p>It was strange, Alfred never has an issue speaking his mind. Rarely does he ever think before he speaks,  he hates this feeling.</p><p>"Our relationship." He starts quietly. "I want to understand what we have."</p><p>Ivan's eyebrows lower "I thought it was clear America." Now holding himself up with two elbows "We are... what you call friends with benefits. But, less in a friendly way. More like... enemies with benefits."</p><p>"I know I know but it's just..." Alfred's arms drop behind him. His hands are firm on the mattress as he leans back to stare at the stealing. "Is that actually the right way to put, this?"</p><p>"Da, I would." Ivan says simply, shifting around to make himself as comfortable has he can be while holding himself on nothing but his forearms. "We fuck, we fight, then don't speak. It's been like this for quite a while."</p><p>America's head turns to Russia. Their eyes meet, causing him to suppress a sharp gasp.</p><p>It was his eyes that always said it.</p><p>His eyes filled with resentment, anger, and hatred.</p><p>He hated to say it, but Alfred longed to see something like love, and compassion in those violet eyes.</p><p>Beautiful violet eyes.</p><p>Not that he didn't think his eyes didn't often reflect something similar. Even if these new feelings in him are starting to rise, it wouldn't erase the years of violence that sparked between the two.</p><p>Sometimes he wished it had been different.</p><p>But it wasn't.</p><p>Despite everything in him telling him not to continue, to just lay back down and embrace the warmth. To fall asleep and go on the next day pretending what had gone on between the two had never happened.</p><p>He began to speak.</p><p>"What we do isn't normal. How many enemies sleep together—"</p><p>"I wouldn't call what we do sleeping together." Ivan cuts in.</p><p>"Okay, sleep together, fuck, pound my brains out whatever you want to call it. We have sex, no matter how rough or gentle it is. If that was all it would be different but..." he pauses. Taking in a deep breath he turns to Russia, crossing his legs, pulling the blanket to keep his lower covered. "It's what happens after that bothers me."</p><p>Ivan's face morphs, from confusion to something Alfred can't quite make out. The frown on his face was apparent, his eyebrows were furrowed together as he squinted just slightly as he stared at the American. "You question what we do? I don't see anything wrong with me touching you after. If we sleep in the same bed, it might as well be close. You are a blanket hog and it can be—"</p><p>"Ivan." Alfred says, causing Russia to react.</p><p>They don't say each other's human names.</p><p>It was common ground between nations.</p><p>Human names are used only between those who were close, those who were good friends or family.</p><p>Of course the two knew each others given names, even though they hated each other it made them close. They knew a lot about each other.</p><p>It doesn't change that they never said their human names, because if they said their human names their relationship wouldn't be so simple anymore.</p><p>Alfred began to crave it.</p><p>Ivan dreaded this moment.</p><p>"Ivan..." he said again, almost as if he was testing the word against his lips. Of course he's said the name before, Russia wasn't the only one in the world. But it was different. Something about it gave him a rush, building a fire in his belly, a rush of excitement. The once mutual, unsaid rule of never so much as muttering the others name was broken.</p><p>Their eyes stay connected as Alfred continued, a new found push to continue speaking started to rise up. "The way you hold me, it's so gentle. I hate to say it, but I love it. I love when your hands run over my body, when they go through my hair. I know enemies don't do that, people who hate each other don't touch each other like that. They don't treat each other like they care, and Ivan." A shiver passes over them both "I like it so much, even though I'm not supposed to."</p><p>Russia remains silent, sitting up himself. His tongue runs over his up teeth slowly.</p><p>America see's this, Ivan's lips were parted just slightly so he could see the dark pink underside of his tongue.</p><p>"Ivan... I..." he says. Looking at the man with love filled in his gaze.</p><p>He takes a slow, deep breath as he stares at the Russian man. His sapphire eyes study Russia's face, the way the glow from the city coming in through the widow highlights his pale skin, the way the shadows cast against him sculpting his face. Alfred thought he was a handsome man, a beautiful man. </p><p>Slowly, his hand traveled to Ivan's larger gliding over his fingers until his own brushed the knuckles. They slipped underneath so he was able to lift the other's hand intertwining their fingers together. </p><p>After another deep, the words that left Alfred next were soft. They were so genuine, as painful as they might be the passion that filled each syllable would rival the very document that America holds dear to him.  "Ivan... I love you"</p><p>At first, Russia took in a sharp gasp and froze, his entire body tensing. Then, the american noticed the way his jaw tightened as the glare in his eyes hardened the more he stared at the blonde. </p><p>"America, you do not mean that." He says, any warmth in his voice from before was gone and turned cold.</p><p>Alfred shakes his head drawing in a shaky breath "No... no Ivan I mean this. From the bottom of my heart Ivan I'm in love with you."</p><p>Russia pulls his hand away quickly, shaking it just slightly as if touching the american filled him with disgust. "Nyet, you are young. Naive. What we have is not love"</p><p>"You say this but when you're with me I... I feel so good, my heart feels happy. Its different, I know what I feel." He extends his hand out towards Ivan again causing him to back away. </p><p>The man only stares at him in response, until he finally stands up from the bed throwing the covers off of him walking to find his clothes that were discarded previously on the floor.</p><p>America only watches as the personification walks around the hotel "Ivan?" staring at the man, watching him closely, waiting for some kind of reaction other than being met with silence.</p><p>The Russian man was almost entirely dressed, his dress shirt buttoned up till the second to last button. His slacks buckled and buttoned, the matching jacket just being held in his arms not bothering to put it on. His socks and shoes were slipped onto his feet then he stands again, just as was going to grab his own hotel room key from off of the desk, America finally moves from off the bed to grab his hand.</p><p>He was wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, a plain bright blue color with small white stars. It was so simple but so fitting. Normally something like this would make the Russian laugh, but right now his expression remained to be unchanged glaring at America.</p><p>"Don't leave, please." Alfred but his lip trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall "Please say something."</p><p>For the minutes that they stood there, what felt like hours, it remained completely silent. The grip America had on his lover loosened, but still holding on. Just gently only him taking in the sensation of the soft skin.</p><p>Ivan spoke first, shaking his head "You don't get it." he exhales, for the first time looking Alfred in the eyes as he spoke. Once void of any readable emotion, hard with a brick wall no one could see through had fallen. Sadness, his eyes were sad. It was suddenly apparent how obvious it was that he has lived for so long. "I forget how young you are, how little you know of who we are. Who we must be. How we must feel."</p><p>Tears finally began to cascade down Alfred's cheeks, staring at the other sadly "No... no listen to me I-'</p><p>"Listen to me." Large hands take the smaller into them, enveloping the fists with his own. Just holding them. Ivan didn't want to say this, he was lying to himself, lying to the man he truly did care for. Nations were not just personifications,  they were people. They were bound to develop relationships, whether with a human or another representation, emotions were emotions. But they shouldn't, especially when they should do nothing but hate each other. Anything between them should be filled with spite and hatred. They should never hold each other, touch another tenderly, look at each other as if they were the only people they could love. What they do with each other, should never be done.</p><p>"Alfred." For the first time that night, Ivan says the human name. Despite how harsh the word was against the Russian's voice it still made America's heart flutter at the sound of his name being said. "I don't love you."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was like a swift kick to the chest, the way those words had the same feeling as Russia reaching inside his chest and squeezing his heart. </p><p>He may as well have done that instead, it would have heart much less than the feeling Alfred was left with. </p><p>America tore his hands away, keeping them balled into fists at his sides as he moved closer to the Russian. They were only ten centimetres  apart, Alfred looking up at the taller man. His face read nothing but pure heartbreak, his eyebrows scrunched together and tears still fell from his eyes. "You're fucking lying." his voice sounded angry, all night it had been gentle, sweet. Only now was he upset, he was angry.</p><p> </p><p> Maybe just desperate. </p><p> </p><p>As Russia stared at the younger man, he felt his own heart break watching the great nation before him try to keep himself composed, trying to keep himself from crumbling. His own face had been nothing but stern, not breaking and showing any kind of emotion that swirled around inside him. </p><p>Ivan waited a moment, thinking to himself about what to do next. More than anything, he want to reach out to Alfred and wipe away his salty tears, kissing every inch of his warm skin. To make him feel safe in his arms, shielding him from the harsh reality of what it means to be an immortal being. The pain of falling in love and it being ripped away from an outside force they could not control. Living years in isolation, all the pain that came with it through endless years of torture.</p><p>But in reality, that was not an option. The idea of living through a romance that would ultimately end in nothing but harsh bitterness and pain was something he didn't want for himself.</p><p>He didn't want that for Alfred.</p><p>I'm so sorry Alfie... he thought to himself.</p><p>"No. You're nothing to me, just another warm body for sex. That's it, the truth is..." pausing for a moment, watching the glow in the other's eyes finally go out leaving nothing but despair as tears pour down. "I hate you." With those words, Russia quickly spit onto the American, it landing just above his right eyebrow. </p><p>America tried to stay composed, not wanting to show the other man how shaken he was. Only moving to bring his hand up to his forehead as he wiped away the saliva, tossing it away with a quick flick of his wrist.</p><p>Despite trying to hold himself, the facade was not convincing. </p><p>His lip trembled as he continued to only cry harder.</p><p>Russia, he desperately wanted to press his lips against the man's forehead, apologize and go to bed.</p><p>Instead, he grabs his belongings and leaves, only tuning back once to watch the american crumble as he shut the door behind him.</p><p>Alfred shakes as his leg's give out and he slides against the end of the bed. He chokes out a quiet sob that slowly grew into painful cries. The pain in his chest only growing as the painful words from Ivan only sunk in.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually he crawled into bed, laying under the covers as he cried silently. </p><p> </p><p>In the morning he didn't bother getting up, he stayed there as the meeting passed. He ignored every text and phone call. </p><p>He stayed there until he had to leave for his flight home.</p>
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